“Fake it until you make it” is an aphorism that suggests that by imitating confidence, competence, and an optimistic mindset, a person can realise those qualities in their real life and achieve the results they seek.
However, it is not always easy to fake that you can hear. But we try it anyway.
No matter how open and honest I am about my disability and the associated challenges in the workplace. There are still moments where the desire to “Fake it until you make it” kicks in.
Last week I had a bad case of this as I watched a film without subtitles and sat in the dark for 90 minutes watching some stunningly beautiful imagery and catching a few soundbites, but in no way able to tell you what the film was really about and the message it was trying to inspire.
I came out of the film and everyone asking “what did you think?” or some other question (that required you to actually understand the film). I responded with “really good”, “interesting”, “wasn’t what I was expecting” (It wasn’t), “it was really beautiful” and other stock responses before people moved on in the conversation.
Even with people who know me, know about my hearing and that I use subtitles I didn’t feel like I could admit it. I’ve since been reflecting trying to understand why I took this approach.
Firstly, I asked about subtitles which was not met with a great response and I didn’t want to push it. Secondly, I know I need subtitles, so I could have just avoided going to the see the film. I chose to go. It wasn’t compulsory. Thirdly, I didn’t want to be difficult and/or have to explain myself. I am tired of doing that all the time.
The realisation that I still feel like this (among other things) was another thing that prompted me to start this blog again. I have since realised that the “Fake it until you make it” also kicks in when I am tired, at lunchtime, when networking, when other people speak to me in the office etc. As life goes back to normal, there are more and more situations where I am feeling like this. I am having to adjust yet again. The techniques I used pre pandemic don’t work, nor do the techniques I used during the pandemic. We are starting over once again.
[…] So after the last cinema experience where no subtitles were available. I decided that this time that as it wasn’t an independent film and it was a mainstream movie with subtitles that I was going to ask for the subtitles to be included in the movie particularly as it was even longer than last time. Over 2 hours in the dark without subtitles was not something I was going to tolerate this time. […]